


be your safety

by heatheninhiding



Series: eboys oneshots [3]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Feelings, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, they are stupid but what's new, way too many rhetorical questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatheninhiding/pseuds/heatheninhiding
Summary: in which alex is afraid that lewis only flirts with him for jokes
Relationships: Lewis Buchan/Alex Elmslie
Series: eboys oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827814
Comments: 13
Kudos: 85





	be your safety

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't great and it's super rushed but i just really wanted to write lewis/alex bc i love them so much shhsjdjss viva la gays!!!!!!!!!!

it’s 3am - a weird time, nestled somewhere in between late at night and early in the morning - and alex is thinking.

lewis was flirtier than usual today, calling him by all the nicknames that make his hands sweat and his pulse quicken, not to mention the heat they bring to his cheeks.

darling and baby and sweetheart. they keep on replaying over and over again in his head, on a continuous loop, like a never ending symphony. he’s tired but he doesn’t want to sleep; he wants to stay awake, wants to keep thinking about lewis and all the names he calls him.

he checks the time on his phone again: 3:22am.

maybe it’s dangerous, letting himself fall. maybe it’s a trap. lewis flirts with _everyone,_ after all, it’s just who he is. he’s flirty in the same way that will is overly handsy. it doesn’t exactly have to _mean_ anything. friends flirt all the time.

maybe alex is just grasping at straws. maybe he’s looking too into things, and it isn’t as it seems. maybe it’s his own subconscious tricking him into this false reality - a reality in which lewis’s feelings match up with his own - because it’s what he so desperately wants.

hope is a dangerous thing, though, and alex knows this. he shouldn’t let himself think this way, not when something like this is way too good to be true. he can't let himself fall when there's no guarantee that he'll be caught.

but lewis is so  _ safe.  _ he’s synonymous with all the things that make alex feel okay. he’s every colour of the rainbow, a drop of sunlight in the dark caverns of alex’s mind. he's personified warmth and comfort that alex wants to just tuck away in his pocket and keep forever.

3:37am.

he really should sleep. george wants to film with him tomorrow, and he deserves an alex that’s 100% alert, preferably without any comments pointing out how dead he looks.

he shuts his eyes, slows his breathing. maybe counting sheep will work? but then the sheep’s faces start to morph into lewis and he can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of him, eyes wide open once again.

this is  _ stupid. _

3:50am.

he reaches for his phone again, opens his messages. he’s got a ridiculous amount of unread ones, and it’s too daunting to go through all of them now.

his thumbs hover over the keyboard. lewis must be asleep right now. how weirded out might he be if he were to wake up to a text sent to him at 3am? he huffs. lewis has done much weirder shit. he begins to type, but then -

speaking of the devil;

_ scottish nutter _

_ would like facetime… _

alex inhales deeply through his nose. maybe lewis was thinking of him, too. was he keeping lewis awake the same way lewis was keeping him awake?

he answers the call. they’re both sat in the dark, so alex can barely make out lewis’s features, but his heart still catches in his throat at the sight of him.

“why’re you awake?” he says quietly.

“could say the same for you, mate." alex points out.

lewis doesn’t respond right away, and then, “was thinkin’ ‘bout you.”

alex definitely wouldn't consider himself religious in any way, shape or form, but right now he's thanking whatever divine entity might be out there for the fact that lewis very likely can’t make out the blush that's currently sat on his cheeks.

he desperately reminds himself again that lewis doesn’t really mean anything he says to him like  _ that. _ it’s all jokes, all just for show.

but they’re all alone, in the dark. there's no one else there to squeeze a laugh out of, no cameras set up, no video being filmed, ready to be posted online to giddy viewers eager to watch them interact. it’s just the two of them together.

surely that must mean  _ something. _

“what  _ about  _ me?” alex asks, keeping his tone light. it’s a routine, almost. lewis flirting, alex semi flirting back - but cautiously, so as to not scare lewis away.

“just you in general.”

alex wishes he would elaborate further. because what does  _ that  _ mean? what do lewis's thoughts about alex consist of? are they good thoughts? surely they must be, if they led to lewis wanting this facetime call. or is he being naive again, falling into the trap that so many have fallen into before by convincing himself that his playful flirtation is something serious as opposed to just a bit of banter between mates.

if it  _ is  _ all in the name of jokes, alex wishes lewis would just let him know. because then maybe he'll finally be able to move on, somehow. he needs verbal confirmation that he's absolutely insane for ever thinking his feelings for lewis were reciprocated, even in the slightest. he can put an end to these sleepless nights, dismiss his mind's musings about lewis as nothing but irrational, impossible daydreams.

but lewis is just too fucking vague, so alex is forever stuck in a limbo. there's the hopeless hope that lewis just might mean half the shit he says to alex, and then there's the pathetic attempts at curbing that hope, pushing it down into the deepest possible depths of his mind in order to avoid being hurt.

lewis always pulls away right before it gets too serious, possibly to prevent alex from getting the wrong idea. if that's his aim then he's failing, of course. the 'wrong idea' is all alex can think about.

“was thinking ‘bout you as well.” he doesn't mean for it to come out as soft as it does. he cringes inwardly, hoping lewis doesn't read too far into it.

"were you thinkin' about how big and handsome i am?"

alex exhales through his nose, rolling his eyes in the dark. "no. you're clapped."

“you aren’t meant to talk to your boyfriend like that!”

and there he goes again. alex swallows, prays lewis can’t see his contemplating face in the dark.

“boyfriend? you haven’t even asked me out yet.”

lewis hums in response. “you’re right, should probably get on that.”

“you probably should.”

they’re teetering on thin ice now. alex can’t tell if or where the joke ended. is he the stupid one? is lewis just having a laugh?

no one’s saying anything, they’re just staring through one another in the dark. alex can hear the beat of his own heart in the comfortable silence.

“we should go on a date some time, baby imallexx.” god, it  _ is  _ all a joke to him.

it’s 4am now and all alex wants to do suddenly is hang up and go to sleep. he feels like a massive idiot, or - better yet - he  _ is  _ a massive idiot. he wets his dry lips and looks right into the camera.

“m’gonna go now. goodnight, lewis.”

“oh. you tired?”

“yeah. s’4 in the mornin’, you should sleep as well.”

lewis nods. “alright. g’night, baby imall - ” alex hangs up before he could finish the sentence, and immediately feels guilty. he hopes lewis will think it’s an accident, despite that not being the case at all.

he just feels fucking stupid.

he lies awake for 10 minutes, just staring at the ceiling. his phone buzzes with a text, and he knows who it is straight away. who else could it be?

scottish nutter

_ are you ok? _

_ you seemed a bit off. _

_ did i say something? _

it’s too late (or rather too early) for alex to come up with a lie. he’s way too tired.

_ just tired of you playing with me. _

read: 4:37am

when he doesn’t get a reply right away, he keeps going, spilling his guts completely.

_ i know you’re only joking when you compliment me and flirt with me and ask me on dates _

_ i know it’s all just jokes _

_ you would never actually mean anyof it _

_ and i just feellike an idiot all the time now bc i actually let myself believe u might feel the same about me _

read: 4:41am

no response. he isn’t even typing. alex wants to dig a big hole in his room and climb inside of it. fuck.

_ i’m sorry lewis _

_ forget what i said lmaooo _

_ i’m stupid _

read: 4:45am

he cringes, letting his phone fall beside him whilst he covers his own face with his hands. why’s he done  _ that?  _ he’s definitely gone and fucked up a friendship, all because he can’t take a couple flirty  _ jokes.  _ why is he so  _ stupid? _

he jumps when he gets a text, heart stopping.

_ can i come over to yours tomorrow _

_ yeah? _

_ i mean yeah of course _

_ why? _

_ wanna talk to you in person _

_ ok. _

read: 4:48am

.

it’s no shocker when he wakes up at noon the following day, appearance the most disheveled it’s been in ages.

it  _ is  _ quite a surprise, however, when he’s immediately being pulled into a kiss the minute he opens the door for lewis. 

he’s wrapped up in lewis’s safe embrace, colours bursting behind his eyelids like fireworks except the unnecessary loudness is replaced with pure serenity.

“what?” he says dumbly, eyes wide as he stares up at lewis once he pulls away.

lewis looks a bit sheepish now. “it wasn’t just jokes - well,  _ some  _ of it was. but there was truth to everythin’ i said. i  _ do  _ mean it when i compliment you, and when i asked you out. i’m just bad at telling people how i really feel, so i did all of that hopin’ that maybe you’d, ya know, get the hint. i never wanted to hurt you.”

alex feels like he’s reeling, it’s too much information all at once.

“sorry if i scared you last night. just wanted to let you know in person.”

alex just nods, unable to get a word out.

“so. about that date,” lewis grins. “you free tomorrow night?”

alex nods again, heart beating out of his chest. “yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is so bad everyone else's lewis/alex fics are So Good please forgive me for disgracing you all


End file.
